Widow: I’m trying to figure out what people expect from me. I’m 8 months out and people treat me as if nothing has happened. I work full time and am raising three kids on my own now. I have spent the last 40 minutes staring at my computer screen crying. Is this ok? Is this normal?
Me: It’s normal. People don’t understand bc they think this is an event that happened to you, and don’t understand that it’s an ongoing event. They think of it like losing their dog or parent; an event where the grief is pronounced at first, but only fully comes up when memories arise, or on holidays and such because their immediate lives go on relatively untouched. They don’t wonder how to pay their bills, spend time with the their kids and homework, put them to bed, fix lunches for the next day, answer a hundred emails, and still have time to sleep. They don’t see that losing your spouse is an ongoing event that we experience every minute as we juggle work and kids (and their own trauma), and doing all the things on our own now and we don’t even have the emotional support and love from the partner we chose for this path who is no longer on the path.
Widow ‘JH’: Please don’t worry about other people’s expectations. If they haven’t been in your shoes they just don’t know. I think people are afraid to bring things up mostly. Grief is kinda like being in the water. Sometimes there are waves, sometimes you can float and other times you feel like you are drowning. I promise we all have these days. It’s exhausting without kids to look after at home so I can imagine that you are especially overwhelmed. Just focus on one day at a time.
Widow ‘VV’: Girl, I’m 14 months out and still have those moments. You are doing amazing! Don’t let those that have NO idea affect you.
Widow ‘SG’: Yes. It’s normal. I don’t think people expect much of anything. Most are wrapped up in their own little world and can’t fathom what you are going thru. Just do you. Grieve any way you need to for however long you need to. There is no timeline. And if someone dares to say anything about it, you just tell them right where to go!
Widow ‘EW’: I am right there with you. The last 3 weeks I have done nothing but run these kids around and I am exhausted. I have been giving myself time to cry and vent when I go to bed at night or even in just periodically throughout my day. My therapist has been amazing and I have started working out because I have sound that helps. People that haven’t been through this really don’t understand. You are not just grieving your loss but your kids loss.