Reasons Why Churches Fail Widows:
- They lump widows in with all grievers or people who are suffering. Widows need special help that goes waaay beyond ‘grief care’ or counseling. After their husband dies, they have months and months and piles and piles of paperwork to navigate, and dealings with corporations and government agencies, on top of the grief.
- They put their focus on the future. They concentrate their ministries on families with young kids and young professionals who will tithe and sustain the church and its programs. It’s natural that churches want to grow, expand and reach out to this fresh bunch of congregants.
- Widowhood is a ‘downer’. They need to remain ‘positive’ to do God’s work. Let’s face it, people want to enjoy what they do, not be reminded of others’ pain and grief.
- It doesn’t get you stoked. Helping a recovering addict gets you stoked. Pulling someone from the sex trade gets you stoked. Bringing a homeless person to church gets you stoked. Helping a widow file papers at the court or removing her husband’s name from the cell phone plan? Not so much.
- They think most problems can be solved with money. In fact, that’s what most people think. But, what I’ve found is that creativity, hard choices and doing things differently with God’s direction is always better than money. Not all widows need a handout. ALL of them need a hand up.
- They’re stretched too thin as it is. Churches have limited resources. They have tight budgets and sparse staff. Add yet another program? They can’t even think of it. And, widows? Pretty much at the bottom of the list if they make it at all.
Reasons Why Churches Should Help Widows:
- It’s Biblical. The Bible lumps widows in with the ‘vulnerable in society’ and implores the church to help widows. Obviously, the level of help depends on her family situation. The early church was concerned with food and housing for widows, and while today many widows have those things, there are still a myriad of legal and technical issues to tackle that can be overwhelming in grief. The church could come along side widows in those tasks.
- Widows have to reinvent their lives, which can help the church. When her life partner dies, the widow is forced to create a new identity for herself. The identity she was as part of a duo doesn’t exist. A new identity, not only in Christ, but in the church and society, as well, needs to be cultivated which benefits the body of Christ. A woman hiding away as a ‘grieving widow’ helps no one, especially not herself.
- Widows are resources that the church can tap. The average age of a widow is 55 years old! If widows receive help navigating those first months or years to develop their new life, they have much energy and love to give to others and the church.
- Widows need direction and purpose which the church can provide. The things she and her husband they did together, or for the sake of his interests, aren’t part of her life any more. She needs to discover who she is outside of a partnership and church guidance can provide a way for her to make a new path intentionally.
- Many widows have ample free time and a desire to volunteer. Show me a church that doesn’t need more volunteers! While many widows need daily help, there is an entire group of widows who do not, and who are looking for ways to be useful. People’s uncomfortableness with death is a stumbling block to her feeling comfortable helping out. (She hears the hushed whispers, btw.) The church can change that by helping the non-grieving connect in a loving way with the grieving.
- Giving helps with grieving. We ALL know that the best way out of depression and being overly absorbed with your own problems is to give of yourself to others. Giving to others is one of the most beneficial therapies, as evidenced by nearly every character arc in storytelling. Widows can give abundantly because they know how precious every moment truly is.