Moving Forward

I had a great conversation with my late hubby last night.

I was sitting on the couch with all the animals in our house, drinking our favorite celebration wine and I told Howard how much I missed him and wished he were here, but now I have to deal with the fact that he’s not.

And, while I’m really sad about that and I vow to NEVER ‘move on’, I have to ‘move forward’. I must live for the future not the past. I will never live as if his life never touched mine, and not just because of my children, but because he impacted me so greatly.

I have to figure out this next 30+ years without him and what my life will look like. I have a lot of life left. I potentially have more years ahead of me than we had together (22 years and 6 days), if God allows it for me.

Before Howard died, he said numerous times, “When it’s my time, it’s my time. It’s up to God, not me.” And, he believed it. And, so do I. We never know our days, but they are determined before we’re born. The day we die is already known, but the manner is up in the air.

So, I need to go on for how many of those days I have left. I know that’s what Howard wants for me. He doesn’t want me to suffer and wallow for the next few decades. He married a strong woman, and I want to honor him by forging ahead with strength and grace.