A friend of mine is dying.
To say we’ve known each other a long time would be an understatement. We met at my friend Heidi’s birthday party in 1979.
Despite the fact that we now live on different coasts—and for much of our lives, in different states—the friendship never faltered. Well, except for one time, when I was in an abusive relationship and that animal cut me off from all of my friends. That’s a story for another post. Suffice it to say, I was rescued by my dad and my sister and baptized again in the forgiving love of my friends. Oh, and a lot of therapy.
The inside jokes rattle around in my head like kids in the attic, trying on old clothes from a trunk. Secrets that can be shared with others, yet lose their shine in translation. If I said, “Hello, Debbie?” to you, it would mean nothing. My friend and I would always crack up. Those who were there when the joke was born, would laugh too—but once there’s only one of us left, it’s no longer a shared laugh. It becomes a wistful solitary smile.
I’ve learned this all too well as a widow. Inside jokes still pop into my mind and there’s no one to share them with—just me and a quip that has nowhere to land.
And now I think of my friend.
A lifetime of “Hello, Debbies?” and toga parties. Late-night trips to Taco Bell and Long Island Iced Teas. Taking my mom—my mom!—to a Rick James concert. The Caprice. Thanksgivings in Austin or Dana Point or Cedar Rapids. Little Bo. Millennium fireworks in San Francisco. The wild Diana Ross concert. Waterskiing on Coralville Lake. Kidnapping Heidi. Chicago’s Rush Street and shopping at Marshall Field’s. Drinking outrageously expensive wine with you and your person (you guys swim in money, I swear!). A road trip from Iowa to Charlotte on New Year’s Day. So many fun nights at the Warehouse. Our friends from CR.
When mortality smacks you in the face, so much necessity disappears overnight: the anti-aging creams, the vitamins, the workouts, the spray tans, the new clothes, the international travel, the plans for the holidays.
My next trip to see you…