A widow friend of mine, Kathy, recently shared something that has also weighed on my heart. Her words were honest, uncomfortable, and worth considering.
She pointed out something we don’t talk about nearly enough: The Church (body of Christ as a whole) has not always done a good job of caring for widows and orphans.
Scripture is pretty clear about this responsibility. Kathy believes, and I agree, that God’s instructions were not only intended to apply during the first weeks or months following a loss. They don’t always concern grief care or mourning. What about two years later? Five years later? What about as long as someone remains a widow or an orphan in need?
Kathy shared that, two years after losing her husband, she is still working two jobs and struggling to keep up with the demands of maintaining a home.
She isn’t lazy or incapable. She’s simply one person trying to do what two people once shared.
Men in the Church Stepping Up
Imagine what a difference it would make if a few men who had spent years alongside Kathy’s husband stepped in and said, “We want to honor Tony by making sure his wife is cared for.” Imagine a few people showing up with lawn mowers and leaf blowers to tackle the yard together. Or a friend coming over to help decorate for Christmas. Or simply inviting a widow or single mom to dinner once a month so she doesn’t spend yet another meal eating alone.
These aren’t complicated gestures. They’re practical expressions of love.
A widow friend of mine, Jill, shared that while her husband lay dying, several of his friends made bedside promises to care for her and their young children.
Promises that were never kept.
Men who walked away.
Couples who stopped calling.
When the last of the casseroles had been delivered and everyone returned to their normal routines, their calendars never seemed to have an opening for Jill and her children.
The loss doesn’t end when the funeral is over.
And neither does the need for support.
These thoughts have made me reflect on my own experience. I’ve been blessed with wonderful friends who have poured into me, helped me, and lifted me up when I didn’t think I could get up off the carpet.
I am deeply grateful for them.
But, unfortunately, this hasn’t been my experience with the Church as a whole, either.
I would have loved for a strong Christian man in our church or community to recognize that my son was growing up without a dad and that he might benefit from some male leadership. Something as simple as an invitation to lunch, a conversation, or an ongoing relationship could have made a difference in his life as he was navigating that difficult time between the teen years into his twenties.
Often, you only need one person who recognizes a need and chooses to show up.
Where Do Widows and Orphans Turn?
And here’s another thing I’ve thought about: If one of my children were struggling with addiction (they are not!), there are programs and support systems, both inside and outside the Church, that families can turn to.
But when a person loses their spouse or a child loses a parent, where do they turn?
There are many grief resources. Organizations and programs ready and willing to assist bereaved people with grief. But, grief care doesn’t mow the lawn, step in to help raise children, or fix a broken faucet.
So much of the support a widow or fatherless child receives depends on the generosity and initiative of individual friends, family members, and church communities.
There are a handful of national ministry organizations dedicated to supporting widows and parentless children, but I hadn’t even heard of them until I performed a search today. I’m five years into my journey as a widow, and I’ve never encountered these resources.
And if you’re about to ask why I didn’t seek out these resources myself when Howard died, then you are blissfully ignorant of what the sudden loss of your person and the weight of grief can do to your mind and your life. And I’m grateful for that for you!
But when you’re simply trying to get through the next minute or hour, researching support organizations, navigating resources, and figuring out where to turn isn’t something you have the capacity to do.
That’s precisely why the Church needs to be more intentional.
We shouldn’t expect grieving people to find the help they need. We should be helping them find it.
Supporting Widows and Orphans
We have to ask ourselves: Are we caring for the widows and orphans, or are we simply comforting them through the immediate aftermath of their loss?
This isn’t about pointing fingers. Kathy even acknowledged that she didn’t always do a great job of supporting widows and single moms before becoming one herself. I can say the same!
Sometimes we don’t understand the needs until we find ourselves living them.
Understanding the need should move us to action. (Perhaps God is laying the foundation for a ministry for me?!? Hmmm.)
My friend Kathy spoke of putting single parents into the same category, and I concur! Single parents carry an enormous burden, especially if they don’t have the support of family.
But all good ministries start with listening. Listening to the experiences of widows, parentless children, and even single moms and dads.
Ministries helping these vulnerable people should be intentional, ongoing, and organized, and not left to chance.
What Matters to God
The Bible doesn’t leave us wondering whether any of this matters to God.
From Genesis through the New Testament, Scripture addresses the responsibility to protect, provide for, include, and care for widows and orphans.
James 1:27 puts it plainly: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (NIV)
Looking after them. Not simply praying for them. Not just signing up to provide a meal when tragedy strikes. Not assuming someone else is taking care of their needs.
Looking after them.
Money is Not Always the Answer
And let’s remember that those needs aren’t always financial.
The Church is often guilty of assuming that money can solve every problem or meet every need.
But money can’t touch a heart, offer genuine companionship, clear the lawn of leaves, take a son to lunch, or provide the comfort of knowing someone cares.
Extending effort. Showing up. Being present.
Someone’s time worth far more than money.
Scripture Says…
I’ve included 40 Scripture references below that specifically address widows and orphans. I encourage you to read through them. Notice how often God returns to this instruction and how seriously He takes it.
And then consider a simple question: Who is the widow, the single mom, or the fatherless child in your circle or your church who might need you to show up for them?
Perhaps it’s time we stop assuming someone else will, and start being the someone who does.
Here are 40 reminders that caring for widows and orphans is not a suggestion or an occasional act of kindness. It is a recurring instruction woven throughout God’s Word.
Exodus 22:22 — “You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child.”
Deuteronomy 10:18 — “He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.”
Deuteronomy 14:28–29 — “At the end of every three years you shall bring out all the tithe of your produce in the same year and lay it up within your towns. And the Levite… and the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, who are within your towns, shall come and eat and be filled, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands that you do.”
Deuteronomy 16:11 — “And you shall rejoice before the Lord your God… you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite who is within your towns, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are among you…”
Deuteronomy 16:14 — “You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns.”
Deuteronomy 24:17 — “You shall not pervert the justice due to the sojourner or to the fatherless, or take a widow’s garment in pledge.”
Deuteronomy 24:19 — “When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.”
Deuteronomy 24:20 — “When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.”
Deuteronomy 24:21 — “When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.”
Deuteronomy 26:12 — “When you have finished paying all the tithe of your produce in the third year, which is the year of tithing, then you shall give it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your towns and be filled.”
Deuteronomy 26:13 — “Then you shall say before the Lord your God, ‘I have removed the sacred portion from my house, and moreover, I have given it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, according to all your commandment that you have commanded me…'”
Deuteronomy 27:19 — “Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.”
Job 29:12 — “because I delivered the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to help him.”
Job 31:16–23 — “If I have denied the desires of the poor or let the eyes of the widow grow weary, if I have kept my bread to myself, not sharing it with the fatherless—but from my youth I reared them as a father would, and from my birth I guided the widow—if I have seen anyone perishing for lack of clothing, or the needy without garments, and their hearts did not bless me for warming them with the fleece from my sheep, if I have raised my hand against the fatherless, knowing that I had influence in court, then let my arm fall from the shoulder, let it be broken off at the joint. For I dreaded destruction from God, and for fear of his splendor I could not do such things.”
Psalm 10:14 — “But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless.”
Psalm 10:18 — “to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.”
Psalm 68:5 — “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.”
Psalm 146:9 — “The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.”
Proverbs 23:10–11 — “Do not move an ancient landmark or enter the fields of the fatherless, for their Redeemer is strong; he will plead their cause against you.”
Isaiah 1:17 — “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.”
Isaiah 1:23 — “Your princes are rebels and companions of thieves. Everyone loves a bribe and runs after gifts. They do not bring justice to the fatherless, and the widow’s cause does not come to them.”
Isaiah 10:2 — “to turn aside the needy from justice and to rob the poor of my people of their right, that widows may be their spoil, and that they may make the fatherless their prey!”
Jeremiah 7:6 — “if you do not oppress the sojourner, the fatherless, or the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt…”
Jeremiah 22:3 — “Thus says the Lord: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place.”
Jeremiah 49:11 — “Leave your fatherless children; I will keep them alive; and let your widows trust in me.”
Zechariah 7:10 — “do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart.”
Malachi 3:5 — “Then I will draw near to you for judgment. I will be a swift witness against… those who oppress the hired worker in his wages, the widow and the fatherless, those who turn aside the sojourner, and do not fear me, says the Lord of hosts.”
Matthew 23:14 — “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation.”
Mark 12:40 — “who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. These will receive the greater condemnation.”
Mark 12:42–43 — “And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box.'”
Luke 4:25–26 — “But in truth, I tell you, there were many widows in Israel in the days of Elijah… and Elijah was sent to none of them but only to Zarephath in the land of Sidon, to a woman who was a widow.”
Luke 7:12–13 — “As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow… And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, ‘Do not weep.'”
Luke 20:47 — “who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation.”
Luke 21:2–4 — “And he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. And he said, ‘Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.'”
Acts 6:1 — “Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.”
Acts 9:39 — “So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them.”
1 Timothy 5:3 — “Honor widows who are truly widows.”
1 Timothy 5:4 — “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.”
1 Timothy 5:8 — “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:16 — “If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.”
James 1:27 — “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”