My late husband’s mom, Deanna, died today and I think she succumbed to a broken heart.
A number of years ago, she lost her daughter Catherine to a heart condition due to Downs Syndrome. I think Catherine was her reason for living. Deanna was the primary caregiver given that Catherine really never matured past the mentality of a small child. She relied on her mother for all of her care. Catherine lived at home with her mother and father, George, until the day she died.
Oddly, Catherine was named for a childhood friend of Deanna’s, a girl named Catherine Ann Schmidt. My maiden name is Catherine Anne Schmidt. After I married her brother, we were both named Catherine Ann(e) Lewis! Very odd co-inky-dink, methinks.
Anyway, I think when my husband and Deanna’s only son passed last year, her already fragile heart and mind just fizzled out. Medically she had a condition called rapidly progressive dementia that claimed her life and she died peacefully in her sleep. But, I know it wasn’t the disease entirely that took her home to Heaven. She had too much love there and felt pulled to seek it.
If only we could visit Heaven and not have to embark on a permanent one-way trip…but, alas, that’s not how it works. I know what it’s like to have bits of my heart in Heaven, with my mom and dad there, along with my cousin and his parents, some friends, and of course my grandparents. However, I have learned recently what it’s like to have a chunk of my heart ripped out and sent there without warning. Losing your husband is quite different than a mom or dad, or even a friend or cousin. Losing your life partner, biggest cheerleader, best friend and sole provider is much different blow than just losing a loving person. Grief is grief…until it isn’t.
By God’s graces I do not know the pain of losing a child, and I can’t imagine that horror. I’ve seen my friends endure it. They change in that instant they lose their child; they become a different person. In some ways I get that, but in other ways I don’t. Deanna did.
And, I think having two of her children in Heaven and no purpose to guide her days just pushed Deanna over the edge. Her mind faltered and her heart gave up.
I am grateful that she is with Catherine and Howard again. I’m grateful that she died peacefully. I’m grateful that her care won’t continue for years, as was my own mom’s experience with memory care. I’m grateful that George was with her in those last moments, and that he continues to live in assisted care where his needs are met. I’m grateful my sister-in-law and her husband were at the homestead in the same town. I’m grateful that it didn’t happen on Thanksgiving day.
But, I’m sad for George because today he had to lose her all over again.
This is Deanna and George. Behind them is a picture of Catherine that stayed on the fridge until they left the homestead for the care facility. In fact, it’s probably still there. Also, do you notice the date stamp? My husband had fits over those with his dad and that makes me laugh a little when I see this!