At any stage of life, losing a parent is hard. It’s especially difficult when you’re a teenager or young adult. While everyone looks at you as if you’re “all grown up” you’re entering years where you need advice, guidance, and help navigating the transition from kid to adult. And, you have just lost a trusted guide in that pursuit.
To add to the burden, you may be transitioning from the phase of life believing that your parents are complete idiots who don’t know anything, to realizing that mom and dad may actually have a clue about some things.
And you desperately want to know that information.
But now that voice of reason in your life has gone silent.
That person who knows you, who loves you unconditionally, and who makes you feel seen, safe, and protected, is gone. They can no longer come alongside you and help you figure out bills, relationships, school, jobs, and the milestones you’ll face on this path of life.
At a time in your life when you’re supposed to be figuring out who you are, where you’re going, and how to launch yourself into the world, you find yourself trying to figure it without the support you always thought would be there. You desperately crave that assistance that mom or dad would provide.
As an added burden, you find that you’re forced to carry this weight of loss that most of your peers can’t understand. They still have their parents. They still have their support. They still have a steady life unmarked by grief.
Most people your age can’t imagine the grief you carry like a backpack you can’t take off. They have no reference for the loss that seeps into normal activities like grabbing food with friends or catching a movie. They don’t see the empty chair that sits painfully at your holiday tables—or even on ordinary Tuesdays.
Grief at this stage of life hurts in a way that few understand. It impacts your routines, alters your relationships, and brings up questions and feelings you can’t quite put to words. If you are trying to find your footing right now, here are a few practical ways to handle the impact of this loss and navigate the path ahead.
First, Give Your Feelings Room to Breathe
Grief rarely looks like a straight line of sadness or follows a predictable pattern of stages. It is often a chaotic mix of shock, intense anger, guilt, sadness, depression, deep numbness, or even moments of relief. All of your emotions are valid, and none of them are wrong. Feelings just “are.” Not good and not bad, they simply exist.
Finding ways to channel the complicated emotions that grief brings can help. Here are some things you might want to try. Some of this might work, some might not, but some might inspire you to try something else that works better for you.
- Journaling: Writing down unfiltered thoughts that you may not feel comfortable saying out loud or sharing can be a way to express what’s inside you in a safe way. Don’t worry about making it perfect. You can write freeform prose, poetry, a random string of words, a short story, or whatever you feel in the moment. Let it pour out of you without judgment.
- Physical Movement: Taking a walk or hike, running, hitting the gym, working on a project, cleaning your home or car, volunteering in a physical way, or playing a sport can help you release physical tension that grief creates in your body. It serves a dual purpose: it acts as a physical release while boosting your mood through a natural rush of endorphins.
- Creative Outlets: Turning to music, art, or a hobby is a great way to express the emotions that words cannot quite capture. Sometimes grief leaves us quite literally speechless. You may find you don’t have words for what you’re feeling, and that’s okay. A creative endeavor can help release what’s inside without needing words.
- Volunteering: Helping others and focusing on someone else’s needs can provide necessary perspective. It gives you time to get outside of your own head, your own struggles, and your own pain, and focus on someone else.
Maintain Structure as Much as Possible
When you lose a parent and your world shifts entirely, the lack of predictability can feel terrifying. Re-establishing routines—or creating new ones—can give you a sense of grounding. Focus on the basics: standard sleep and wake times; routine meals throughout the day; and intentional self-care.
At the same time, give yourself permission to step away from the heavy lifting.
Some young adults feel pressure to step into a parental role or manage the household to help out the surviving parent or others dealing with their own grief. You might even feel responsible for managing everyone else’s grief. But please remember you are still allowed to have your own life and your own grief as you navigate these growing years. Taking a guilt-free break to watch a movie, laugh with friends, or simply rest isn’t denying the pain you feel or the pain of those close to you—it’s self-care. And you’re allowed to take care of yourself.
Recognize the Shift in Your Relationships
One of the hardest parts of grieving young is the isolation. Friends your age might look away, act awkwardly, or say the wrong thing simply because they have never experienced deep loss. They may have no concept of how your life has been completely altered.
- Communicate your needs in professional settings: Let teachers, professors, or bosses know what you are walking through. Many will offer flexibility with deadlines, or offer you a quiet place to step away if a wave of grief hits during the day.
- Lean on the right friends: Pay attention to the friends who show up just to sit with you in the quiet, or those that stay by you as you process emotions, even the difficult emotions that sometimes spill out with grief.
- Honor your parent in your own way: You don’t have to grieve according to anyone else’s timeline. Keep your parent’s memory alive in ways that feel meaningful to you—whether that’s listening to their favorite song, cooking a meal they loved, or continuing a small tradition they started.
Reaching Out for Grounding Support
You do not have to carry this completely on your own shoulders. If the numbness doesn’t lift, if the anxiety leaves you feeling constantly unsteady, or if the weight of grief simply feels too heavy to bear, reaching out for professional help is an act of courage.
You Are Not Alone in This Walk
Please know that I am praying for you. When I think of you, I think of my own kids who lost their father when they were 18 and 19 years old. They have navigated their young adults lives without their dad for the past five years. To say it’s been a hard journey for them is an understatement. But you know about that.
I don’t know exactly what you need at this moment, but I want you to know that your grief matters, the parent you are grieving matters, and your experience is valid. You are a cherished child of God, and He is close to you in this time of unimaginable loss.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” ~ Psalm 34:18
While you are trying to figure out your next steps, having the right support can make all the difference. Here are a few trusted resources—both faith-based and secular—tailored to meet you where you are:
- Find Support: If you’re in the United States and would like to explore steps for beginning a mental health journey, please visit FindSupport.gov.
- GriefShare: Offering local and online weekly Christian support groups providing practical tools to help stabilize your life after the loss of a parent. Visit: griefshare.org
- The Dougy Center: Features dedicated, specialized toolkits and peer support resources built explicitly for young adults navigating loss. (Non-faith-based) Visit: dougy.org
- The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG): Provides an interactive national directory and toolkits to connect younger adults and families with regional support networks. (Non-faith-based) Visit: nacg.org
- For Mom…Never Alone Widows: A Christ-centered community offering specialized retreats and local chapters for those navigating early spousal loss. Visit: neveralonewidows.com
- Focus on the Family Christian Counselors Network: Offers a free initial clinical consultation and trusted referrals for licensed, faith-based professional therapists in your area. Visit: christiancounselorsnetwork.com
- A Trusted Pastor or Campus Minister: If faith anchors your life, leaning on a spiritual leader can give you a quiet space to wrestle with the hard questions that grief brings up.
- A Licensed Grief Counselor: Working one-on-one with a professional therapist who understands emerging adulthood provides a safe, completely unjudged space to sort through complex emotions.
Most importantly, please be gentle with yourself. Grief is deeply personal, and there is no timeline or “right way” to carry it. I am so incredibly sorry you have to walk this road, but please know you don’t have to walk it alone.
Blessings and the peace of Jesus to you, Cat
CatherineAnneLewis.com
If You Need Immediate Support!!
If the weight feels too heavy, or if you or someone you love is experiencing persistent hopelessness, extreme mental health struggles, or a crisis, free and confidential help is available 24/7:
- United States & Canada: Call or text 988
- United Kingdom & Ireland: Call 116 123 (Samaritans)
- Australia: Call 13 11 14 (Lifeline)
- New Zealand: Call or text 1737
- If you are located elsewhere worldwide, please contact your local emergency or crisis support services immediately.