You know the viral video from the Giants game — the woman with the baby, carrying the snacks, moving down aisle while Dad remains seated. The internet has had plenty to say about it. Some people see a woman doing everything while her husband simply sits there. Others have pointed out that we have no idea what she insisted on doing, and the personalities involved. We don’t know their marriage, their circumstances, or what was said between them.
But I do know this: She is a superstar, but she is also a picture of a MILLION women.
This is what we do.
Sometimes I did waaaay more than Howard. Not because Howard wasn’t totally capable. He was! But because literally: I got it. I knew the right orders, the correct vendors, the special alterations. I knew where things were, who needed to be called, and what needed to happen next. Sometimes it was simply easier to do it myself than explain how to do it.
I imagine a lot of women know exactly what I’m talking about. When you’ve been managing the details for years, you don’t always think about it as “doing more.” You just know “what needs to be done” and you do it.
We say, “I’ve got it,” because we DO have it. We don’t necessarily want someone taking over just to prove a point. There are things I would rather do myself because I know how I want them done, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you can relate.
But here’s the thing I loved about Howard. At this baseball game, he would have been jumping up out of his seat to grab things from me while I was still in the aisle. I can just see him doing it. I’d be hitting the row with all the things in tow, and Howard would be getting to his feet. Not because he thought I couldn’t handle it. Not because he thought I needed rescuing. He just wanted to help.
In the only way I’d LET him.
And I think that’s the difference.
A man can step back and let his wife do what she needs to do…and still act like a gentleman. You can notice that she’s carrying the baby and the snacks–just like the thousand little things that women carry every day. You can stand up. You can reach out your arms. You can say, “Let me help.” And if she says, “SIT. I’ve got it,” (in that militant voice) you can sit back down knowing you honored her.
On a side note: I miss the men’s table stand. Back in the day, when a lady left the table, the gentlemen at the table would stand—or at least half-stand. Sometimes it was just her man, and many times he would pull out her chair. It was such a small gesture, but it was always my barometer for a man who had been raised with manners. Maybe it sounds old-fashioned, but I liked it. There was something lovely about a man who noticed a woman and made that little effort to show respect.
But back to our baseball super woman. I think what’s what bothered people about that little video is that he simply sits there expectantly. And maybe there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for his part. That’s why I’d genuinely like to hear her side, and his, before I decide what that moment in time means to them.
But regardless of what was happening in that stadium, I see a whole lot of women in that woman. Women who know the right order, the right vendor, the right size, the right appointment time, where the extra diapers are, and what everyone needs before they even ask. Women who have become so accustomed to managing the details that sometimes they don’t even realize how much they are doing.
And I think there’s something beautiful about a man who notices this.
He loves her enough to say, “Let me help.” She may shut him down, but a man can STILL be a gentleman even married to a strong woman.
Howard was proof of that!