All this talk about whether women can preach or not by the Southern Baptist Convention–do they really debate the same three passages in Scripture every year?–got me thinking about the role of men.
Now, as a Proverbs 31 woman myself—and many of you are, too—I know that Scripture paints a picture of women as honorable, trustworthy, wise, and remarkably capable. We are savvy entrepreneurs, diligent workers, generous stewards, and faithful leaders. Women were never meant to be second-class citizens in God’s Kingdom. First class all the way, baby! We consider a field and buy it. We plant vineyards. We conduct business. We make the dinero…or, I suppose in biblical times, the denarii.
We women were created as an ezer kenegdo, which is a man’s divine match, a partner, and a powerful, equal counterpart. The key here is counterpart. To whom? Well, to a man.
Not to a boy, not to a guy, but to a man.
So, what is a man?
My late husband, Howard, shaped my understanding of what a man can be. He was a gentleman, carrying himself with kindness, good manners, and grace in both his words and actions. He viewed leading our home as a responsibility entrusted to him by God, not a position to be wielded. He cherished me—dare I say he put me on a pedestal? It was actually quite nice up there. He adored our children and loved them beyond measure. He expected the best from himself before he ever expected it from anyone else. He was kind and gentle, yet when the moment called for it, he could roar like a lion to protect his family. He led with strength, humility, and integrity, and because of the way he loved us, I always felt safe, secure, and deeply cherished.
I’m sure many of your husbands are the same. These are great, godly men.
When we talk about godly men, one question is often overlooked: How does a man make a woman feel?
Feel? Yes, feel.
How do his words and actions shape the environment of her life? This matters because it’s foundational. Howard made me feel loved and secure—in our home, in our marriage, in our future, and in the life we were building together. I felt emotionally safe, financially protected, and spiritually encouraged. Those weren’t fleeting emotions or sentimental clichés; they became the foundation upon which I lived and loved.
And I believe those qualities aren’t incidental to biblical manhood—they’re central to it.
A man can be a strong leader, but if he intimidates his wife, he’s not leading, he’s bullying. A man can demand respect, but if he hasn’t earned it, he’s merely domineering. A man can quote Scripture, but if he only reaches for verses that support his own agenda, he’s not handling God’s Word faithfully, he’s proof-texting.
A godly man steps up when it’s hard. He keeps watch because wolves howl in the night. He cherishes his wife and children, not merely by providing for them, but by protecting their hearts. He creates a home where love flourishes, peace resides, and his family feels safe.
That’s not weakness.
That’s biblical strength.
Attributes of a man…
Sacrificial: He puts the needs of his wife and family ahead of his own desires, modeled directly after Christ’s sacrifice (Ephesians 5:25-33).
Understanding: He studies his wife’s needs, fears, and strengths so he can care for her with deep emotional and mental awareness (1 Peter 3:7).
Gentle: He rejects harshness, anger, and intimidation, choosing instead to lead with patience, kindness, and self-control (Colossians 3:19-21).
Discerning: He takes responsibility for the spiritual environment of his home, actively teaching and guiding his family in faith (Ephesians 6:4).
Respectable: He manages his personal life and household with integrity, earning the trust of his family and the community (1 Timothy 3:4-5).
Howard wasn’t a perfect man and HE would have been the first to tell you so! But he spent his life pursuing the perfect Savior, and in doing so, he became the kind of man I believe every husband, father, son, and brother should aspire to be.
If that’s biblical manhood, then I pray we never stop calling men upward toward it.
The world doesn’t need more strong men; it needs more godly ones.