A friend asked her followers on social media, “How do you cope?” And, that got me to thinking, well, how DO I cope? How do YOU cope? Let me know in the comments.
I realize that sometimes I’m just not okay, and that’s okay. Our small group motto is: “It’s okay to not be okay.”
After losing my beloved husband and best friend Howard, there are have been good days and bad days. Sometimes it’s minute-by-minute just to catch my breath. But, really, how do I handle it that might help you? This is what I do, and it’s not one thing, but many things.
I’m a religious person, so I put my trust in God that He has my back. I reach out to others going through the same (Fb groups, grief groups, etc.), and reach out to friends to spend time with. I read. I meditate on Scripture. I pray. I yell at God (He understands). I workout because of the endorphins. I take Xanax and Ambien as needed. I keep moving forward. I can’t move on, but like a recovering addict, I take one day at a time. I know this week is going to be hard (our first Father’s Day w/o him), so I plan to limit social media and my exposure to advertising.
Crying is important. Sometimes I don’t want to cry because I fear it will never stop. I hold back because once the tears start, I fear I’ll drown. But, they do stop. We all need to give ourselves permission to cry, it’s important. Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins, which will help us deal with the pain.
No one’s life is easy, whether dealing with trauma or depression or what-have-you, but realizing that dark nights will end and the bright sun rises with new thoughts on a new day. Things often DO look better in the morning.
I have made some long-term goals, which help keep me focused on the future. I try to keep busy because if I’ve got stuff I’m working on it’s a good distraction. I listen to audiobooks as an escape. I drink more wine than I should (but I’m seriously contemplating that bc I can’t lose weight and really, wine is a depressant).
I try not to compare my life to others because everyone has their own shit, whether they show it or not. I realize that my life MUST have a purpose. It’s not a crap shoot that we’re here. I help others. Giving to others is the best way to feel good when your own tanks are empty. I take a breath. I look at a flower or a sunset or a cloud formation or a body of water.
I’m thinking about what my own hobbies will be because I lost the ones we shared. I think having projects to work on and things to do that move you forward are a good way to deal with the unpleasantness of being in the moment.
I don’t know that any of this is a help, but this is my experience. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you. I love you!